Cellulite sucks

BUT YOU'RE TRYING IN VAIN

The big, ugly C word. CELLULITE. I even hate the way it sounds and how it’s spelled. I mean why does it mean bumps and shitty esthetics but then it has the word ‘lite’ in it and sounds all smooth and sweet! My resentment for cellulite comes from a history of at least 15 years of phases committed to getting rid of it. I’m pretty sure I’ve tried most options available to me and my budget and given the title of the article you might have already figured that none of them really worked. Some procedures appeared to make my skin look smoother - but in hindsight I’m pretty sure it was just what I wanted to see.

I just couldn’t be bothered spending all this time on these scrubbing rituals anymore.

Dry-brushing and caffeine scrubs: At least not painful but at some point I just couldn’t be bothered spending all this time on these scrubbing rituals anymore, let alone the mad bathroom mess from rubbing my thighs with what is basically old coffee.

PERIOD CRAMPS, HAIR LASER REMOVAL, GETTING BITTEN IN THE HAND BY A ROTTWEILER - NON OF THAT COMPARED TO THE PAIN OF VACUUMING.

Creams: They’re all just very expensive body lotions.
And the cherry on the cake - professional cellulite vacuuming, also known as Endermologie! One of the most painful procedures I’ve ever put myself through. I still can’t quite believe that I was paying people good money repeatedly to vacuum my thighs to a point of dark violet bruising all over my upper legs. The pain was out of this world, especially that one time when I went for an appointment just before the first day of my period. Period cramps, hair laser removal, getting bitten in the hand by a rottweiler - none of that compared to the pain of thigh vacuuming.

WHEN I THINK OF THE AMOUNT OF TIME, MONEY AND ENERGY I SEPEND ON FIGHTING CELLULITE, I FEEL COMPASSION FOR MYSELF AND I THINK NEVER AGAIN.

And you guessed it - it didn’t really work either.
The list of possible reasons for cellulite is vast. I am not sure if this is payback for my smoking, sugar eating, alcohol drinking sins or if my cellulite-fighting genes were off on the day I was made. Regardless - the outcome remains the same - I have cellulite. And I still don’t have a solution to this bumpy curse on my legs. I am not fond of my thighs and I still prefer wearing clothes that cover the upper part of my legs.
But 35 years into my life, it appears I did manage to create some sort of acceptance towards it. When I think of the amount of time, money and energy I used to spend on fighting cellulite, I feel compassion for myself and I think ‘never again’. It sucks but it’s just not worth it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve spoken to many women who managed to see improvement using creams, vacuum cups or dry brushing but I am not one of those lucky ones.  And this is a shoutout to all my fellow big-butted, chunky thighed ladies or any of you other cool kids who didn’t get away from the big C curse. May it stop haunting our insecurities and may fashion trends continue to bless us with their slouchy, thigh covering styles.

AND FOR ALL OF YOU WHO MIGHT BE INTERESTED , HERE'S A QUICK SUMMARY OF MY GOOGLE SEARCHES ON CELLULITE:

• It’s also known as orange peel, cottage cheese or hail damage (?!)
• 85-90% of women have it (I assume that is not worldwide?)
• Cellulite is a result of fat cells pushing through the vertically arranged connective tissue just beneath the skin
• The decrease of estrogen (often towards your menopause) can be a major cause for cellulite, as it decreases circulation, with that oxygen supply and lastly the production of collagen. On the other hand, an oversupply of estrogen causes for fat cells to increase and push with more force against the connective tissue
• Cellulite seems to be a side of effect our more stagnant, office type daily routine lifestyle
• Cellulite is not common in men because of the way the collagen in the connective tissue is structured. It is criss-cross rather than the straight structure in women, so the fat cannot push upwards as easily

scientificamerican